Missing Parts

As I sit on my windowsill listening to the animated chatter from Parrish Beach echo throughout campus, I realize that this Swattie behavior signifies the beginning of the end. For most of you, it’s just the end of the semester. You’ll be back in the fall to endure another round of Swat roulette — the [...]

In last edition of The Phoenix, my lovely editors gave me the title of the “Campus’ Favorite Sex Columnist.” Though I am very flattered by the title, I have to admit, I can’t imagine myself being anyone’s sexual sage. This is not because I don’t believe in the advice that I share on a bi-weekly [...]

I was having oral sex and the guy I was with came in my eye. Is there a risk of transmitting an STD? I know that I should have been safer but this is not something that I could foresee happening. Any advice? Senior So, I know that this situation may seem a bit odd [...]

As Swatties, we are perpetually interested in improving ourselves. We may or may not be actively trying to do so, but we certainly talk about it until we’re blue in the balls. One easy thing to attack in our quest for self-improvement are bad habits. We all have some habit that our Moms and/or Pops [...]

The housing lottery is fast approaching. Finding a roommate can be a stressful process. We’re Swatties, after all, and we have a tendency to perceive most tasks, big or small, significant or insignificant, hard or soft, as stressful. It’s part of our charm. Now, I don’t mean to add anymore shit to your shit-storm, but [...]

2013 — a new year with new reasons to fuck. As the ball dropped (a month ago or so), I found thoughts of my graduation along with New Year’s resolutions mingling in my mind. The result was my mind translating my biggest Swat regrets into resolutions that could mend them. And what was on the [...]

Miss Columnist of the Order of the Phoenix, I seem to be having a dreadful dilemma. After six loving years of marriage to my red-headed delight of wife, I find that I am utterly incapable of getting it up. I was very active in the early years of our marriage, but lately, my poor penis [...]

I was very upset when I received your letter this week, X. I had no idea that this was what you’ve been going through for the last two years. I apologize for not being a more attentive friend; I truly was clueless. But, now that you’ve ended this volatile relationship, I want to assure you [...]

This week is dedicated to reader questions. Feel free to send along any of your questions about sex, relationships, sexuality, or sexual health. The nastier, the better. The tamer, the better. Anything you got, I’ll answer. You can submit questions by sending me an email directly or by just asking me in person. You’re promised [...]

One thing I love about being back on campus, besides the various forms of free contraceptives, is getting some critiques of my column that extend beyond obscure bible passages condemning it. I’ve gotten some good reviews, and I’ve gotten some bad ones. As a true self-deprecatory, masochistic Swattie, I disregarded all the good feedback on [...]